发表时间:2020-07-15 13:38:10 作者:fanyaya 阅读:132次
Have you ever eaten a slimy gorgon-like piece of fat,or in other words,junk food?School lunches have been a controversy for years,and many schools still serve bad food.I think schools should not serve junk food.
BODY PARAGRAPH 1
First of all,junk food has a lot of fat.Fat is something that children cannot have too much of.One type of fat,cholesterol,is known to cause fatal strokes to many.It also affects blood pressure,and high blood pressure can lead to heart attacks,and it would cause pain in the kidneys,because kidneys rely on healthy blood cells carrying oxygen to stay healthy.A study by some scientists say that after studying the participants,many had bodies vulnerable to diabetes.
"Fat is something that children cannot have too much of."是本段的论点;
“Fat is something that children cannot have too much”
"It would cause pain in the kidneys,because kidneys...healthy."这句话略微繁琐，可以分为两句
BODY PARAGRAPH 2
Second,junk food is not fresh.Since we are dealing with kids and adolescents in school,some young kids hate a grueling stomach ache.Junk food causes just that.Not only is it a pain in the front for children,but a literal pain in the back for parents.They have to deal with and help their sick child.
BODY PARAGRAPH 3
Finally,Eating too much causes obesity.Obesity can cause mental damage to a child.Many many children laugh at and tease and make fun of fat or obese children,and it makes children loose confidence and sometimes they get depressed.Also,obesity causes children to have an inability to participate in physical games.It also makes someone vulnerable to everything too much fat causes.
“Obesity can cause mental damage to a child.”
修改：“Obesity causes mental health to a child.”
All in all,junk food should not be in schools.Everyone should take a say in the problem of junk food in school.