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留学生Essay写作如何做好Cohesion?

发表时间:2019-07-29

      Cohesion就是衔接,是留学生Essay写作中中一个很重要的评价标准。很多留学生在平时Essay写作中,主体段已经做到了有观点、有例子,字数也不差,但总是被评价为展开不够、说理不清、不好follow,很多情况下就是因为没有注意cohesion。那么我们留学生应该怎么在Essay写作中做好Cohesion以达到文章衔接紧凑、逻辑严谨的效果?

留学生Essay写作如何做好Cohesion?

    1、开头结尾不要广撒网


    在国内学习时老师们总是强调开头结尾点题、能把主体段观点paraphrase清楚就好;但很多人根据中文写作的习惯;喜欢开头铺开、结尾再眺望,这样开头和结尾就会出现主体段没有展开的观点。自我检查中一个很重要的标准是看开头结尾中出现的人和物在主体段有没有涉及。

    案例

    In order to complete a creative task, would you prefer to work alone or with others? Use specific reasons or examples to support your answer.
    如果我们以:1. Team work provides additional perspectives that individuals overlooked.和2. Working in team can improve efficiency by distributing the task among a group of people. 为主体段观点,下面两个引入:

    A)    Society functions on effective communication, as more and more companies stress the importance of harmony between colleagues as a way to improve working efficiency.

    B)    Under intense competition, personal career success depends more and more on our ability to deliver high-quality results efficiently.

    分析:B)要明显好于A),因为A)中提到的effective communication对于社会的意义、workplace harmony在后文中都没有得到呼应。而B)中提到的内容,在后文中都得到了进一步说明:1. 为什么要讨论这个题目 – 因为涉及“个人职场成功与否”;2. 什么叫成功?– 工作成果质量好且工作效率高;3. 怎样提高质量和效率?– 团队合作拓宽思路、团队合作分工协作。

    2、注意检查句间指代


    很多留学生在Essay写作中都容易出现指代不明的问题,作为专业Essay代写机构,我们也受到太多修改润色文稿,经常会看到客户出现这样的问题。

    比如:

    Being able to express one’s opinion and to accept to other people’s criticism are both essential for improving communication between coworkers and the harmony of office. They allow them to understand each other professionally and personally.
    首先,第二句用了两个“他们”,分别指什么,作者没说明白。其次,如果仔细分析,前一句给了两组复数名词,一组是两个abilities(表达能力+接受批评的能力)、一组是两个结果(communication + harmony);这样一来第二句”them to understand each other”中的“them”和“each other”都是指谁呢?实际上这是缺少指代对象的语法错误。

    在自我检查指代问题时,应该注意以下几个标准:

    1)单复数是否一致,上文students下文有没有误写成he/she;

    2)是否所有代词在上文都有具体指代的对象;

    3)慎重使用value(价值观)、character(素质)这种比较空洞的字眼,因为这些词一般要求下文做出具体解释来缩小文意,很容易导致内容跳跃。

    3、加入必要的说理解释


    Essay写作中,很多人喜欢用观点句+例子这种结构作为主体段的内容。这种结构的好处是观点一目了然、明确具体;坏处是观点和例子间容易缺少必要的磨合、例子显得过于片面。这时,就要通过适当解释使段落过渡自然、层次分明。我们用一个简单例子说明:

    案例

    Raising professors’ salary is an effective way to motivate them to spend more time on education. It is well known that private universities in the U.S. pay their professors a higher salary than public universities. At the same time, these universities are also ranked the highest in most academic rankings, because their professors conducted more academic researches, contributed more papers to journals, and, on average, spend more time giving instructions and seminars to students.

    这个例子观点比较明确、也有相应的例子;但是观点和例子间还是有一些“落差”:Why are professors NOT motivated in the first place? How would a high salary help? 因为这些问题没有解决、后文例子只能被看作一个泛泛的correlation(相关)而不是严谨的causation(因果)。那么,什么样的解释才能把观点和解释有机联系在一起呢?

    首先,解释应该把观点句中的遗留问题解释清。Raising professors’ salary is an effective way to motivate them to spend more time on education. → Professorship requires years of investments in higher education. However, compared to other educated professions, professors are relatively lower-paid, which means that some of them take part-time jobs with private firms in their spare time, rather than spend more time on researches.

    这样解释,观点-解释-例子是不是被统一起来了呢?也不完全。因为例子实际上还是对段首第一句的解释说明、而读者的注意力已经被拖着过了几句话。想让读者的注意力自然过渡,例子应该回应说理中加入的观点。…, which means that some of them take part-time jobs with private firms in their spare time, rather than spend more time on researches. → It is well known that private universities in the U.S. pay their professors a higher salary than public universities. In doing so, these universities ensure that professors are paid as much as their equally educated counterparts in large firms such as executives or business owners. At the same time, these universities are also ranked the highest in most academic rankings, because instead of taking part-time jobs to subsidize their living, or working overtime in offices, their professors conducted more academic researches, contributed more papers to journals, and, on average, spend more time giving instructions and seminars to students.

    这时我们看到观点-解释-例子已经成了一个有机的整体。

    最后应该强调的是,句间衔接是一种批判能力。这意味着平常练习中,不是单纯心里想着句间要衔接就可以;更重要的是成文之后、要冷静下来仔细分析一遍自己的文章按照上面的标准检查有哪些内容没有展开、哪些内容是自己明白但没有解释透彻。这样正式考试时才能做到逻辑严谨。