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北美代写要注意句子的改写

发表时间:2017-02-18

不论是留学生们自己完成的论文还是由我们meeloun教育为大家代写的作业论文都会有一个必备的环节——修改。论文的改写的过程可以让使用更加灵活的句式,寻找更加精准的单词,调整句子的顺序等从而让自己论文的质量得到提高。但是大家也不要写写完之后就进行盲目修改,在之前我们给大家写过一篇文章留学生论文作业完成后别自己进行盲目修改,大家可以看一下。如果大家想要正确改写自己的论文句子的话,下面这些改写技巧将有助于大家写出更加漂亮的句子。

1.简洁性原则

关于简洁性原则,翻开任何一本英文写作指导书籍,其中一定会提及简洁性原则。在改写句子时,要学会删繁就简,去除赘词和套话。对于句子精简,以下几种方法可以参考:

(a)减少there be句型的使用
      there be 句型很容易使用,但也很容易被滥用。在考场作文中我们可以见到大量的 there be 从句,但这些从句绝大多数可以省略。举个例子:
      There are widespread rumours of job losses.
      可以改写为:
      Rumours of job losses abound.
      there be 句型一般表示“某地有某物”,在修改时,可以使用一个恰当的动词进行替换(比如上面句子中的 abound )
      又比如下面这个例子:
      There were more foreign students in the classroom than the natives.
      可以改写为:
      Foreign students outnumbered the natives in the classroom.
      除了去掉 there be 结构之外,这里还使用 outnumber 来代替 more ... than ... 这一个比较结构。类似的词还有 outlive, outshine, outclass, outgrow, outperform 等。

(b)使用介词短语
      很多时候,一个简单的介词往往会比一个从句更为简洁,举个例子:
      (1) When they arrived at the police station, they were taken to an interview room.
      (2) I'll call you when I arrive.
      可以改写成:
      (1) On arrival at the police station, they were taken to an interview room.
      (2) I'll call you upon arrival. 
      这里使用on 以及 upon 介词来代替 when 从句,类似的道理,可以灵活使用 in, at, during 等其他介词来代替从句,起到事半功倍的效果。

(c)省略关系代词
      除了 there be 句型之外,定语从句在考场作文中的使用频率也非常高。但从简洁性的角度考虑,绝大多数的定语从句同样可以精简。举个例子:
      From childhood, he had an instinct that made him excited and interested in all things which were electronic.
      可以改写成:
      From childhood, he had an instinctive feel for all things electronic.
      这里将关系代词 which 以及 that 省略,并且原句中 made him excited and interested in 语义重复,可以使用 instinctive feel 来代替。
      又比如下面这个例子:
      An Ideal Husband is a film adaptation of Oscar Wilde's play that tells the story of a popular politician who was involved in a scandal that led to his downfall.
      句子可以改写成:
      An Ideal Husband is a film adaptation of Oscar Wilde's play that tells the story of a popular politician brought down by a scandal.
      这里将关系代词 who 以及 that 省略,句子的意思不变,但显得更加简洁。在作文修改中,可以尝试着将不必要的关系代词删除,或者将其转换为分词结构或名词词组,以达到精简的效果。 

2.词性转换

英语中有一部分单词具有多重词性,巧妙利用词性转换,可以写出简洁的句子。举个例子,要表达“他在上海度假”,我们可能会写 He goes on holiday in Shanghai. 
      但其实还可以写成 He holidays in Shanghai. 这里将 holiday 作为动词使用,含义是“在……度假”。
      又比如:
      (1) Arthur Ashe is the captain of the U.S. team.
      (2) Mr Cunningham, who teaches creative writing at Yale University, is extremely funny and psychologically observant, but he does not believe in happy endings.
      上面句子可以改写为:
      (1) Arthur Ashe captains the U.S. team.
      (2) Mr Cunningham, who teaches creative writing at Yale University, is extremely funny and psychologically observant, but he is no believer in happy endings.
      第一个句子使用 captain 的动词义“率领”,人物形象更为有力。第二个句子使用 believe 的名词形式 believer,这样语气更为强烈。

3.避免语义重复 

语义重复是中国学生最常犯的写作问题之一,这与汉语的负迁移现象有一定关系。在汉语中我们会重复使用意思相近的词语或句子来达到增强语气的效果,但在英语写作中应尽量避免这种写法。
      举个例子,在一篇关于间隔年(gap year)的雅思作文中,有这样一个片段:
      Students who have used their time to volunteer for charities, serve internship or travel overseas have a broader view of life and better personal resources to draw on. They tend to be more adaptable and are able to embrace change and learn to adjust to different cultures, and this could be particularly valuable when it comes to job hunting. 
      第二句 They tend to be more adaptable and are able to embrace change and learn to adjust to different cultures 属于语义重复:整句话的核心为They tend to be more adaptable,后半句的表述其实是前半句的重复,可以删去,句子改写成:
      The adaptability hardened in a foreign land could be particularly valuable when it comes to job hunting. 
      再举一个例子:
      In this modern world of ours today, the well-informed, knowledgeable person will succeed and be well ahead of the competition.
      上面这个句子中,modern 和 today 重复,well-informed 和 knowledgeable 重复,succeed 和 be well ahead of the competition 重复,句子可化简为:
      Well-informed person will succeed these days.

4.留意正式表达与非正式表达的区别

英语中有正式表达和非正式表达之分,要学会区分它们,避免在写作使用非正式表达。例如:
      The actors gave a terrific performance, but the opera was rotten.
      句子中 terrific, rotten 这样的词语就属于非正式表达,在书面语中要进行替换,可以将它们替换成 The actors gave a amazing/brilliant/marvellous performance, but the opera was terrible/awful/abysmal.
      怎样辨别正式表达与非正式表达呢?一个简单的方法是,在词典中查看该单词的标识,如果某个释义带有 informal 标识,在正式写作中就要尽量注意。

5.用词多

在一篇文章中,可以使用同义词或近义词来营造多样化表达效果。举个例子,经济学人最近在一篇关于泰国国王普密蓬的文章中,有这样一个句子:
      Respect for the Thai monarchy may be reinforced through the education system and bolstered by strict laws against insulting the king, but it is genuine nonetheless. 
      其中,reinforce 以及 bolster 表达的含义都是“加强”,在这里为近义词替换。
      我在之前的经济学人赏析系列中还举过一个例子:
      Africa can simply jump straight over it and go right to the latest thing. Just as drones can make up for poor roads, the theory goes, mobile phones can overcome a lack of well-functioning banks, portable solar panels can stand in for missing power stations and free learning apps can substitute for patchy education.
      一个句子里面连续使用了 make up for, overcome, stand in for, substitute for 这几个词来表达“取代”这个概念,这也从侧面反映出积累近义表达的重要性。
      在写句子时如果需要进行同义词替换,可以查询同义词词典(thesaurus),例如在柯林斯同义词词典中可以找到 stand in for 的多种替换表达:

6.使用修辞

适当使用修饰可以增加语言的表现力,同时给读者留下深刻印象。在外刊阅读以及英语写作中,最常见的一种修饰手法是比喻。举个例子,经济学人最近在写 Elon Musk 公司的财务状况时,使用了这样的描述:
      Mr Musk is also one of the last entrepreneurs in America who seems to think that the publicly listed company can be useful. Two of his companies are listed: Tesla, a carmaker, and SolarCity, an energy firm. They have towering ambitions and valuations, and burn up cash as fast as his third company, SpaceX, burns up rocket fuel. 
      对于特斯拉和SolarCity 两家公司的烧钱速度,作者给了一个形象的说法:就像 SpaceX 公司的火箭消耗燃料那么快。这样的描写效果更为直观。

7.寻找更精准的词

要写出漂亮的句子,我们并不能仅仅满足于使用一个刚好能符合要求的词。要不断反问自己“这个句子还可以怎么写?有没有更加精确的词可以替换?”
      举个例子,“我的伯母气冲冲地走进商店,要求退款”,这句话怎么说?
      My aunt walked into the grocery store angrily and asked for a refund.
      上面这个句子虽然可以符合要求,但是用词过于中规中矩,还不够漂亮。可以尝试着将句子改成:
      My aunt stormed into the grocery store and demanded for a refund.
      将 walked 替换成 storm (气冲冲地走),将 ask 替换为 demand(坚决请求,强烈要求),这样的句子表意更为精准,也更加容易给人留下深刻印象。
      这个例子也从侧面解释了我们为什么需要更大词汇量的原因:掌握的单词越多,写作时用词的选择面也会越广,越容易找到能够精确传达意思的词汇。

除了上面提到的这几种技巧之外,还要学会大量阅读模仿以及勤查词典,多站在作者的角度思考如何遣词造句。能够长期坚持做到这几点,距离写出好句子也就不远了。